capacity

right now i am supposed to be learning about the vast mysteries of the universe.
intrinsic brightness. spiral arms. terrestrial planets. 
or the secrets hidden in the dips + curves of the earth.
seismic. volcanic. glacial. 


instead, i am here.


i lie on my back + find shapes in the ceiling.
i feel the beat of my breathing
[too shallow, i need to quit smoking]
i listen to this song on repeat.
i imagine the sky the way it seemed when we used to drive out the back.roads
i hear my body rustle amid covers, ear pressed to pillow, everything amplified.


these things are comforting, for now.
tomorrow will bring heavy sighs.


sometimes i become saturated + have no more room
-------->i need to revel in some soft thing + make up stories, or remember stories
[until morning]


tonight your ghost will ask my ghost: where is the love?
tonight your ghost will ask my ghost: who put these bodies between us?




xo.