beating.beating.beating

trebuchet.
that's what this font is called.
it's obviously a brutal + siege.worthy font.
beware: it may sling a few heavy metaphors or, gods forbid, puns.
maybe not. 
who knows.


in this instance i am god + god is feeling a little ambiguous.
or not really, but god is not supposed to have those big emotions.
right?
that's what they told me.
but they told me a lot of bullshit.


do gods have emotions?
one would assume as much.
if i am in such a form, as is speculated, then i would assume they have some kind of feeling.


do they feel anything?
do they feel their heart beating?
do they feel me loving?
do they feel that gaze?


but if i am a god + i hold the power over my little kingdom of words + emotions.....
i want to say: 
i am going to keep loving you all the way that i do.
i don't really care if you want it or return it.


xo.

vulnerability:

can only last a few hours at that maximum. 

therefore remember an old axiom your mother ought to have taught you:
"if you have nothing nice to say,
say nothing at all."


xo.

this land.

i am a velociraptor.

at some point i discovered that it is much easier to be a velociraptor than a girl.

although, strangely enough, we seem to face similar challenges.

[pissings + territories + trustings + betrayals + favourites]

who would have guessed we had so much in common?

it's really quite the wonder.

i'm going to go make some dinosaur noises + gently claw something.

xo.

hatchling

good morning star.shine

---------------->the earth says "hello!"

caleb burton clark

10.11.11

11:19pm

8lbs. 2oz.

I'M AN AUNTY!!!

+ here is my amazing big sister, shandi, looking unbelievably beautiful + radiant holding her new little man!

doesn't she just look stunning? 

seriously: she is gorgeous. 

+ how handsome is he? 

BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE I TELL YOU.

as soon as i heard the news i instantly burst into tears.

i have never been so proud + excited + full of giant, crazy love!

my big sister is so brave + courageous + totally rad.

+ she does it w/ style.

i love her so much even if she is terribly far away + i am the world's worst correspondent

--------------->here is big love pouring down from up north!

CONGRATULATIONS SHANDI + BURT!

+ WELCOME TO THE WORLD SROUT!

I LOVE YOU TO TINY PEICES ALREADY!

first + foremost: freckled

once upon a time......


s: i wonder where freckles come from.
k: everybody knows freckles are just fairy ass marks.
s: what?
k: fairy. ass. marks. the fairies just poo'ed all over you when you were a baby + because they are magical poo's, they stuck to you as freckles.
s: that is horrible. i refuse to believe that. freckles are lovely. i like my freckles.
k: i like your freckles too. i like to kiss them. + find constellations in them. but they are fairy ass marks nonetheless. you cannot escape it.
s: i don't know. i feel very strange about this. i think maybe they are fairy kisses.
k: nope. this is why i call you "sarai poo" because you've been blessed by the fairy folk. it's really quite the compliment.
s: this is the worst conversation i have ever had.
k: i love you.
s: i love you too.


ah.
that little slippery seal struck again.
[circa 2000]


xo.

remember.remember

i often forget i have talked to someone.
or that i haven't talked to someone.
i forget what day of the week it is.
i forget names.
sometimes i forget how old i am.


i think memory is slippery
------->even when you're young


i imagine my memory like a tiny seal: 
darting in + out of rivulets of thought
spiraling down inlets + gliding along tides.
he is small + dark + bright eyed.


he is sometimes my friend + sometimes not.
+ sometimes he makes a fool of me.


but he is mine.
+ i am his.
we are a pair.


tomorrow we will try to work together. 
i have been promised nothing.
it will be a wild ride out to sea.
i am looking forward to it.


but for now i am happy:
i know my age + that having little rats get stuck in your shirt is a good way to get tickled, scratched, + nearly squish said rats.
+ no one wants squished rats.


xo.

spill

sometimes i get really into drinking water.
so much so that i usually end up dumping it down my front.
you know: 
you're reallyreally thirsty + you're trying to drink all fast + it starts w/ a little trickle out the side of your mouth between your lip + the rim of the glass, then.....
waterfall.
vampire style.


speaking of water:
it is my teenytinybaby sister's birthday today.
she is 16.
i just woke her up to tell her all about it.
i think she was really pleased.
she has to wake up at 5am or something stupid so i'm sure she appreciates my midnight phone calls.


wondering how water correlates to my littlest sister?
mostly it has to do w/ how she was born.
or what i saw of it.


it was an accident really.
i was 10.
my older sister chelsi + i were waiting patiently, or not patiently at all, whichever, when a nice nurse lady came + told us our new baby sister had been born + we could go in.
well: she was wrong.
but we were pretty stoked to see this new....thing....so in we went.


[in retrospect i have NO IDEA how children like us, doctor's children or no, managed to just WALK IN to things like this]


it was the slip-n-slide from hell.
all blood + screaming.
then WOOSH!
there she was.


so now you know.
i know that story made you feel better.
how could it not?
blood! babies! it has it all.


now i'm thirsty.


xo.